Which Parenting Style Is the Best? A Deep Dive into Raising Thriving Kids

I’ll never forget the day I found my daughter, Kamsi, crouched under the dining table, clutching a cup with juice spilled all around her. Her big eyes looked up at me, scared. “I’m sorry, Mommy,” she whispered, waiting for me to yell.

But I didn’t. I just crouched down beside her and said, “It’s okay. Let’s clean it together.” That moment made me pause and reflect: What kind of parent do I want to be?

It’s a question we all wrestle with, especially when the toddler is screaming in the mall or your teen just gave you the silent treatment again.

The truth is, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer to parenting. But understanding your parenting style can completely transform your relationship with your child, and their development too.

What Are the 4 Parenting Styles?

Psychologists generally recognize four main styles of parenting. Each one comes with its own strengths, challenges, and outcomes for children. Let’s break them down, with real-life examples.

1. Authoritative Parenting –( Balanced, Loving, Firm)

This is often considered the most effective style. Authoritative parents set clear rules but are warm, supportive, and open to feedback. They discipline with explanation, not fear.

Real-Life Example:

My cousin Ife and her 10-year-old son have the kind of relationship many parents dream of. When he came home with a D in math, she didn’t scold him. Instead, they sat down, talked about what went wrong, and made a plan together. He ended up improving, not because he feared punishment, but because he felt supported and trusted.

Key Traits:

*Clear expectations with consistent boundaries.

*Two-way communication.

*Encourages independence.

*Warm and nurturing.

Results for Kids:

*Confident, emotionally intelligent, socially responsible, academically strong.

Quick Tip:

Try saying, “I love you, and because I love you, I need to help you make better choices.”

Related Post: Tips for Parenting an Only Child.

2. Authoritarian Parenting – (Strict and Rigid)

Authoritarian parents value obedience above all. Rules are enforced strictly, often without room for discussion or explanation.

Real-Life Example:

A dad in my church used to boast that his kids “jump when I speak.” But now, his teenage daughter barely talks to him unless necessary. She follows the rules, but out of fear, not respect. She’s often anxious and hides things to avoid punishment.

Key Traits:

*High expectations, low warmth.

*One-way communication.

*Little emotional support.

*Discipline often includes punishment.

Results for Kids:

*Obedient but may lack confidence, struggle socially, or rebel later.

Quick Tip:

Instead of “Because I said so,” try “Here’s why this rule matters.”

3. Permissive Parenting – (Warm but Lacking Limits.)

Permissive parents are loving and lenient. They often avoid conflict and let kids lead the way, even when boundaries are necessary.

Real-Life Example:

I once babysat for a friend whose son stayed up watching cartoons until 2 a.m. because “he doesn’t like being told what to do.” Sweet kid, but by morning, he was moody and throwing tantrums over cereal. He craved structure, even if he didn’t know it.

Key Traits:

*High warmth, low discipline.

*Rarely enforces rules.

*Wants to be the child’s friend.

*Avoids saying “no”.

Results for Kids:

*Struggles with self-control, decision-making, and respecting boundaries.

Quick Tip:

Being loving doesn’t mean being a pushover. Boundaries show kids they’re safe.

4. Uninvolved Parenting – (Detached and Distracted)

Uninvolved parents are often emotionally distant or overwhelmed by their own struggles. Their children lack guidance and support.

Related Post: Sometimes, a parent’s emotional unavailability stems from deeper relationship issues, especially in co-parenting situations involving manipulation or control. If you're navigating that, read our full guide on co-parenting with a narcissist to help protect your child and find peace.

Real-Life Example:

A girl I went to school with, always seemed tired, withdrawn, and alone. Her parents were busy, emotionally unavailable, and rarely showed up for her events. She became fiercely independent, but also deeply lonely and unsure of her self-worth.

Key Traits:

*Low warmth, low structure.

*Limited communication.

*Little involvement in the child’s life.

*Often unaware of child’s needs.

Results for Kids:

*Low self-esteem, poor academic and social outcomes, struggles with mental health.

Quick Tip:

Even five intentional minutes of eye contact, hugs, or listening each day can make a difference.

So, Which Style Is Best?

In my own opinion, Authoritative parenting consistently leads to the best outcomes, academic success, emotional strength, and good social skills.

✅But here’s what no one tells you: You can move between styles depending on your stress level, culture, childhood, and mood. What matters most is awareness and the willingness to grow.

How to Practice Authoritative Parenting (Without Losing Your Mind)

1. Be Clear and Consistent with Rules.

Kids thrive on structure. Set expectations, but explain why they matter.

2. Offer Choices Within Limits.

Instead of “Put on your shoes now!” say, “Do you want your blue shoes or your red ones?”

3. Follow Through with Consequences.

No empty threats. Calmly explain the result of poor choices, and stick to it.

4. Listen Without Interrupting.

Sometimes your child just needs to feel heard. This builds trust and emotional safety.

5. Apologize When You are wrong.

You’re human. Saying, “I overreacted earlier. I’m sorry,” teaches humility and repair.

My Own Turning Point.

Since the day under the dining table, I’ve committed to being more intentional. I still raise my voice sometimes. I still make mistakes. But now, I repair. I listen more. I teach, not just punish. And my daughter? She trusts me now. She tells me when she’s scared, confused, or proud of herself.

✅That’s the kind of relationship I want, not one built on fear or indulgence, but on connection, safety, and love with boundaries.

Final Thoughts: Parenting Is Progress, Not Perfection.

No parent gets it right every day. What matters is showing up, learning, and adjusting when needed.

Authoritative parenting isn’t about being perfect, it’s about being present, fair, and loving.

✅If  your child feels safe, seen, and guided, that’s the best style for your family.

What about you?

Which parenting style did you grow up with? What are you using now, and how’s it working? Let’s share and learn from one another in the comments below!

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